{"id":293,"date":"2026-08-19T00:00:46","date_gmt":"2026-08-19T07:00:46","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/member.parkinsonsrecovery.com\/jokes\/?p=293"},"modified":"2026-08-15T09:32:08","modified_gmt":"2026-08-15T16:32:08","slug":"request-for-a-raise","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/member.parkinsonsrecovery.com\/jokes\/request-for-a-raise\/","title":{"rendered":"Request for a Raise"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>I do physical labor.<\/li>\n<li>I work at great depths.<\/li>\n<li>I plunge headfirst into everything I do.<\/li>\n<li>I do not get weekends or public holidays off.<\/li>\n<li>I work in a damp environment.<\/li>\n<li>I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation.<\/li>\n<li>I work in high temperatures.<\/li>\n<li>My work exposes me to contagious diseases.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Sincerely,<\/p>\n<p>P. Niss<\/p>\n<p><strong>Response:<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Dear Penis:<\/p>\n<p>After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>You do not work 8 hours straight.<\/li>\n<li>You fall asleep after brief work periods.<\/li>\n<li>You do not always follow the orders of the management team.<\/li>\n<li>You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen visiting other locations.<\/li>\n<li>You do not take initiative &#8211; you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working.<\/li>\n<li>You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.<\/li>\n<li>You don&#8217;t always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing.<\/li>\n<li>You will retire well before you are 65.<\/li>\n<li>You are unable to work double shifts.<\/li>\n<li>You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed the assigned task.<\/li>\n<li>And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious-looking bags.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Sincerely,<\/p>\n<p>V. Gina<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons: I do physical labor. I work at great depths. I plunge headfirst into everything I do. I do not get weekends or public holidays off. I work in a damp environment. I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation. I &hellip; <a href=\"https:\/\/member.parkinsonsrecovery.com\/jokes\/request-for-a-raise\/\" class=\"more-link\">Continue reading<span class=\"screen-reader-text\"> &#8220;Request for a Raise&#8221;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[72],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-293","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-raise"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/member.parkinsonsrecovery.com\/jokes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/293","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/member.parkinsonsrecovery.com\/jokes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/member.parkinsonsrecovery.com\/jokes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/member.parkinsonsrecovery.com\/jokes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/member.parkinsonsrecovery.com\/jokes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=293"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/member.parkinsonsrecovery.com\/jokes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/293\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":7225,"href":"https:\/\/member.parkinsonsrecovery.com\/jokes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/293\/revisions\/7225"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/member.parkinsonsrecovery.com\/jokes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=293"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/member.parkinsonsrecovery.com\/jokes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=293"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/member.parkinsonsrecovery.com\/jokes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=293"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}